An Utter Fool

***

My son is asleep in his bed
and he is beautiful.
He sleeps soundly,
at peace,
because love
tucked him in.
Watching him breathe,
my mind winds its way
back to a troubling past,
the days before I was married
and had little thought
for my own safety.
Seeing him lying there,
his life dependent on mine
both now and in the days
prior to his birth
for the sake
of what was to come,
I shudder in thinking
of the numberless times
I put myself in danger,
without a care,
on some adventure,
giving my physical wellbeing
over to chance,
whether here or overseas,
with friends or alone,
and I feel like an utter fool.

***