Crow Analysis

Some thoughts on my creative-nonfiction short story, The Crow

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My wife must have read only the first paragraph or two when she asked me, "Are you writing about me?"  It is a fascinating question because the truth is, it is about all mothers (and fathers).  In this instance it technically involves my mother because it is from the perspective of a child and I am that child.  The themes woven through the story are varied, but at their heart is the imbalance of power that exists between a parent and a child.  Parents are required to exercise a great deal of restraint in dealing with these little people who have immature brains, limited experience, and little insight into themselves.  Where it gets tricky, and potentially harmful, is when the parent lacks insight and uses the child as a foil for their own foibles and frustrations.

I wrote this story as truthfully as I could.  My purpose was not to teach anybody anything, but to try and learn a little something about myself and maybe even my mother.  Only in rereading what I wrote do I see the obvious fact that the crow served as a proxy for my mother and the unacceptable feelings her emotional impropriety produced in me.  The anger expressed towards our children due to our own lack of love and humility can have the quality of an annihilation, giving the impression that they are so bad that violence (verbal or otherwise) towards them is justified.  It reminds me of Bill Cosby's comedic assertion that "I brought you into this world and I can take you out."

By gaining power over the crow, I was gaining power over my mother and the ability to give or withhold love, which is the power of life and death.  I chose to withhold love by trapping and punishing the crow, a trajectory that ended in death and the realization that I did not want such power and that, truly, my mother did not want that power either.  It was forced upon her by her circumstances, whether that is the cultural milieu she was raised in or the dictates of a particular religion/philosophy that she followed.

As an adult now with my own children I can see there is no room for self-righteousness on my part, but only a growing realization that I am caught in many of the same traps as a parent and as an imperfect person.  I can only keep trying harder to be more loving and humble, less self-centered and ego-driven.  It is an awesome and terrifying task to participate in the formation of another human being.  May we be worthy of it.