DOD

The Department of Dance:  a satirical look at war

Enemies dug in on opposing sides of a valley.  They are at an isolated location that is far from the front, a geographical anomaly in a global war.  Rumors on one side have it that the other side has some brilliant new weapon that will soon be deployed and could be a game changer.  Noises were heard the night before off in the distance that sounded like muffled explosions.  The morning comes and strange equipment has appeared amongst the trees that has them spooked.  In a moment of extreme psychological tension, the strangest thing happens.

It turns out that the equipment are speakers and they start pumping music into the valley.  The opposing side is bewildered and put on edge, but slowly they find themselves starting to thump their feet to the beat and fingers begin tapping out rhythms on the butts of their weapons despite screamed orders from their NCO's to stop immediately.

Eventually unarmed soldiers appear moving forward in straight lines from the opposing treeline, then move side to side as they come onto the field.  They spin, clap, shuffle and slide in a kind of line dance pattern that repeats and is reinforced by the music.  No one knows what to do b/c the soldiers in the field are unarmed.

Some tone deaf gung-ho soldier fires off a shot, but does not hit anything b/c of the movements and his inability to discern the pattern.  The soldier next to him whacks him on the back of his helmet with a canteen and shouts "cut it out!"  Meanwhile the NCO's are running up and down the lines screaming to open fire, but are drowned out by the music.

BOOM shucka ping shucka BOOM BOOM ping
pa-pa-pa-pa
BOOM shucka ping shucka BOOM BOOM ping

Private Shmucatelli is the first to break lines and heads out into the field with a silly grin on his face, tripping and falling, but then pulling himself aright and moving forward out of the protection of the woods.  He has picked up on the pattern and is mirroring it on his side of the field.  Soldiers up and down the line look at each other with bemused WTF? expressions, shrug their shoulders, and begin to scamper out of their fox holes to join in the dance.

At some point the commanding officer, who has lost control of the situation, grabs a rifle and fires it into the field inadvertently striking Private Shmucatelli and knocking him to the ground.  The spell is broken and everyone breaks for their own lines.  Private Shmucatelli lies face up in the grass and wonders at the clouds framed by blue skies overhead.  He hears his heart beating in his ears as he bleeds out, BOOM BOOM ping... and descends into the deeper music.

The next day the hills are abandoned and the only sound is the song of a bewildered bird, “Poo-tee-weet?”

***