The Girl, the Gold Watch, and (almost) Everything

 

I find myself standing on the darkened porch and hate myself for it.  The sound of music comes muffled through the leaded glass of the front door and I can see colored lights flickering in the foyer from the large screen TV situated in the front room.  

I reach into my front pocket and pull out the watch letting the chain dangle in space.  Turning it gently in my hand I marvel at its intricate design and feel its inner movements vibrating on my sweaty palm.  Thumb and forefinger find the crown and apply light pressure on either side of it.  My eyes follow the second hand as it tick-tick-ticks hypnotically in a circle.  My awareness begins to dilate and move outward from where I stand on the darkened porch.  

In this state I sense the man getting up from the couch and walking towards the foyer.  Maybe I had not been as quiet as I had thought.  My remaining three free fingers wrap tightly around the watch to secure it.  I seem to be standing behind the man on the other side of the door who is turning the knob in slow motion while applying upward pressure on the light switch.

A popping sensation emanates from the watch as I pull up on the crown, the second hand stops, and my awareness returns home to my body.  The dark outline of the man inside the house is frozen in place behind the glass, the door slightly ajar.  The switch has been flipped but the light stops just short of my face which I can see by moving my hand in and out of the rounded boundary between light and shadow, the rays fully arrested in their speedy journey.  At the last possible second I had heard her laugh.

Words from somewhere in my past catch up with me in this in between place: “Everything is permissible to me, but not all things are beneficial”.  I don’t belong here.

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