St. John Cassian & the Mirror

 

"He who guides himself has a fool for a Spiritual Father."

I’ve read or heard that somewhere in the books, blogs, and podcasts of the Orthodox variety over the years.  It is like an ironclad spiritual principal hammered out and handed down from the earliest monastic Fathers and Mothers of the Church.

But what can it mean for someone like me “in the world” as it were?  Especially here in America where everything is so new and mostly disconnected from ancient paths that wind down through the centuries.  Here it is like bits of paper blown on the wind from another time and another place.  I grab ahold of what I can and try to piece it together.

I am not a monk.  I am not particularly wise or far-seeing.  The bits of paper in my pocket are reassuring but also disconcerting.

So I’m beginning to wade into a collection of writings by St. John Cassian (c.365 - c.435 AD) that I’ve had on my shelf for about 30 years now.  The thing about him I am most sure of is that his feast day in the Church’s calendar is February 29^th which technically only comes around every 4 years as a leap year.  I have braved the Preface and now find myself at the Introduction.

So, before I even dive in I want to try and understand something.

I do not want a fool for a Spiritual Father and I’ve thought about this quandary in this particular place and culture where Spiritual Fathers and Mothers are as rare as turtle’s teeth.  It is about obedience to someone… a binding of self-will… an opportunity to grow in humility and love.  With little to no effort we are masters at something, but that something is self-deception (a concept insightfully laid out in The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, interestingly enough).

Where can I find these things?  This guide?

I think I found it where I wasn’t necessarily looking.  My spouse is a mirror that reflects back those aspects of myself that I’d rather not see.  It is easier to find fault in her because I see it more clearly than what hides in me.  It’s that self-deception thing, and boy does it roil me!  The pain and anger that wells up, like a wounded beast that seems so much a part of me that I do not want it to die.  What happens when the mirroring effect becomes too unbearable because I am so feeble-spirited?  Should I shatter it and choose another mirror that is a bit more dull and less reflective?  Maybe that new mirror has the beguiling effect of showing me what I want to see about myself, a kind of superficial flattery that becomes less so over time as reality slowly reasserts itself.  It is a spiritual setback, perhaps.

We are just so coarsely human in the worst sense of that word.  By our own poor choices we have been driven from the Garden and given skins of dead animals as a covering to protect us in a fallen world.  It is not ideal.  It is not the goal.  The goal is ahead, too far away it seems, and there is much suffering between us and it.

I am hoping St. John Cassian has some things to teach me.  He traveled the ancient world and sat at the feet of many a renowned Spiritual Father to learn how to live this life - how to attain this goal - a return to the Garden where we are once again truly and fully human - where Adam & Eve are naked before God and without shame.

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