Seeing Myself in My Son

It's like being given the opportunity to go back in time,

but instead of getting a do over, I am an observer.

I see him lying on his stomach in his bed with a book.

He is warming up at a baseball game in his uniform.

I watch him fly out of the garage on his bike, not even

looking back, escaping to a friend's house after school.

I watch him stand at the dinner table, unwilling to sit,

afraid that if he does he will be trapped or impeded.

Everything he does is to avoid pain and struggle until

inspired by seeing an athlete training hard and then

he is running, doing pushups, and punching at the wind.

There are intense ongoing negotiations with his mother.

There are frequent opportunities to annoy his sister.

There are the doodles and stories in a spiral notebook.

And, mostly, there are the attempts to make you laugh.

I am seeing myself in my son almost every day and

as I extrapolate his behavior out into the future I am

exhilarated and terrified for him at the same time.

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