An orangish yellow glow plays on the back of the waves as he emerges from the dark water under a moonless sky. The soft wet sand pushes up between his toes and sucks at his soles. He is putting one foot in front of the other to escape the tide while the ocean tries to reclaim him with every return of its waters. He stops at the edge of the surf where the line of water simply laps around his ankles as he looks up and down the beach unsure of where he is.
A flash of distant lightning brightens the sky to his front but to his back there is only a palpable darkness and undulating waters. A second flash of lightning briefly reveals the silhouette of a lighthouse sitting just inside the tree line in front of him. A thread of wind winds around his bare body looking for entrance and sends a violent shiver down his spine. He does not know where he is, what he is, or why he is, but he *is* and therefore moves forward.
The near complete darkness makes navigating difficult as he moves over the sand in the perceived direction of the lighthouse, though numberless steps do not appear to get him any closer to the tree line. He fears he has somehow got turned to the side and is heading down the beach. Another flash of lightning reveals the dark tower looming overhead and blotting out the night sky. In two long strides he finds seagrass and then dead foliage underfoot.
With two strides more he is touching the lighthouse having somehow slipped through the trees unimpeded. His hand flattens on the curved brick surface to walk at arm’s length around its base and seek entrance, but once again the number of steps implies an impossibility of size or distance and he doubts his organs of perception. Returning to the water seems more vexing than maintaining contact with the tower at his fingertips and so he trudges stubbornly on…
until stairs are eventually found leading up to a tall black door. As he stands at the door contemplating entry a rain begins to fall and he instinctively steps through the doorway to avoid it. The sound of wind and water that accompanied him up the beach immediately ceases, replaced by a distant thrum that makes him look upwards. There is darkness here as well but it is of a different quality and high above he senses rather than sees a faint flickering light.
And he ascends one step at a time in a slow upward spiral that spins into days and then weeks and maybe even months but there is no progress as far as he can tell. At a moment of despair he notices the faint flickering light is suddenly less faint and he stops to wait and see what it will do. The light bounces through the railings and metal-webbed steps creating moving geometric patterns on the wall. It is hypnotic and possibly terrifying.
The lights and shadows on the wall chase each other in circles, one swallowing the other as their relative sizes ebb and flow. He sits and watches the spectacle. The shadows appear to have the advantage but almost imperceptibly the light grows and the shadows begin to flee and consolidate further above and further below. The sound of a boot hitting the platform above his head startles him. He looks up to see a man descending with a swinging lantern.
The man is wearing a faded grey suit and rounded hat with short front brim. His eyes are hidden in shadow, the lantern swinging at knee height, a hoary beard absorbing its light. When he notices the man sitting below he stops and raises the lantern. “Who goes there?” No reply. A groan reverberates above them and draws the attention of the keeper. He looks down once again, locks eyes with the naked man, “You cannot be here!” and blows out the lantern.
The darkness is now complete. He feels to be a disembodied soul or even a pre-soul existing outside of existence. He forces himself to rise to a standing position but then stumbles and falls over the railing head first into an abyss, hearing the muffled thrumming like his mother’s heart beat. And awakens coughing and sputtering in the wake of waves pulling him to shore while the sun breaks the horizon and skips its fire across the water.
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